Why are you sad right now?

[Ordacleaphobia]

there's just no point in living anymore. like honestly. all my friends have left me and my parents hate who i've become. if i died, no one would really care and it would lift a burden off so many peoples chests. it's not in my head as every single day, i get told to kill myself and get called slurs. so idk.

See, you think that, but you're wrong.
In grade school, I had my little clique of friends, and we thought we were gunna always be friends. Then we moved to middle school, went to different schools, and lost touch.
In middle school, I had my little clique of friends, and we thought we were gunna be boys for life. Then I moved, and we lost touch.
In high school, I had my little clique of friends, and we thought we were all gunna try and stay tight because everyone's tired of losing friends. Then we graduated, people left, people changed, and we lost touch.
In college, I had my little clique of friends, and then we all got jobs, our schedules stopped lining up, and we just sort of lost touch.
As an adult with a full time job, I had my little clique of friends that I held on to for dear life because I didn't want to be all alone, but we all had one falling out too many and now nobody talks to each other anymore. Life moves on.

When I was 11, my dad beat my ass because he thought I was intentionally disrespecting him when I had no clue what the fuck was even going on. I didn't think I'd ever forgive him.
When I was 15, my dad beat my ass because he thought I was lying to him about something when I wasn't. I didn't think I'd ever forgive him.
When I was 18, my folks threw me out of the house because my dad supported himself when he was 16, why shouldn't I be able to do the same at 18? But times (and places) change, and I didn't think I would ever forgive them.
When I was 21, after I had managed to move back in with them to start saving for a house, my dad beat my ass again (and almost my mom too when she tried to get in the way) because he didn't think I was trying hard enough and he wanted me to break things off with my GF because he thought I was too focused on her and not focused enough on getting the fuck out. I didn't think I'd ever forgive him.

Here I am at 30, in the process of building a new little clique of friends, and with a stronger relationship with my parents than most people I know. Life's complicated.
People are very, very imperfect. Over time, I started to figure out why my parents treated me the way that they did; and despite their methods being very flawed, they did what they did because they wanted the best for me, however backwards their logic was. Respecting your elders is important. Honesty is important. Independence and self-ownership is important. Dedication and drive is important. Their heart was in the right place, they did want what was best for me; they just didn't know how to get me there and fumbled pretty hard sometimes. Being a parent is hard; nobody gives you the playbook.

The point is, you're stronger and more resilient than you think. One day you'll look back on what you thought was a struggle today, and you'll laugh. So what your friends walked and your folks are being tools. You can always make new friends, and things with your folks will smooth over if you give it time. So what people are talking shit. People are always gunna talk shit. I had people talk shit today. But that's fine because they don't know a goddamn thing about me and they don't know a goddamn thing about you either.

 

[MFB]

there's just no point in living anymore. like honestly. all my friends have left me and my parents hate who i've become. if i died, no one would really care and it would lift a burden off so many peoples chests. it's not in my head as every single day, i get told to kill myself and get called slurs. so idk.

you. need. to. get. professional. HELP.

we. are. random. jagoffs. on. a. forum!

 

[M210 Low Bo Tomy]

you. need. to. get. professional. HELP.

we. are. random. jagoffs. on. a. forum!

i'm fine, right? i'm just being an overreacting, annoying little bitch looking for attention. so many people have it worse than me, so there's no reason for me to be this way. i should probably just shut the fuck up.

 

[AwakenTheSkies]

i'm fine, right? i'm just being an overreacting, annoying little bitch looking for attention. so many people have it worse than me, so there's no reason for me to be this way. i should probably just shut the fuck up.

If you feel bad you feel bad, it is what it is. Isn’t there someone at your school you can turn to for help? Like a counsellor or a psychologist or something.

Don’t kill yourself, address your problems and give it time. Sometimes it takes a long time, at least for me it did, but eventually you’ll get better at handling your problems and find it easier to be at peace. After you’ve felt okay for a while you’ll see it’s not so bad, and you have stuff to look forward to.

In the meantime keep yourself busy with a hobby or a project or something you enjoy. You like guitar and music, why not start writing and recording, or join a band?

 

[MFB]

i'm fine, right? i'm just being an overreacting, annoying little bitch looking for attention. so many people have it worse than me, so there's no reason for me to be this way. i should probably just shut the fuck up.

this is you looking to justify my words of genuine advice to fit your own narrative; no one on SSO should be giving you the level of actual help needed to correct your thinking which bring me back to my original point: YOU NEED TO TALK TO A PROFESSIONAL.

 

[M210 Low Bo Tomy]

In the meantime keep yourself busy with a hobby or a project or something you enjoy. You like guitar and music, why not start writing and recording, or join a band?

my guitar and bass playing has been really shitty lately and i'm not good at anything else. i fuck everything up. everything i make looks and sounds like shit. i don't know if i should even share this but most of the time i'm either "gooning" or cutting myself. which both need to stop.

 

[AwakenTheSkies]

my guitar and bass playing has been really shitty lately and i'm not good at anything else. i fuck everything up. everything i make looks and sounds like shit. i don't know if i should even share this but most of the time i'm either "gooning" or cutting myself. which both need to stop.

Well don’t worry about your guitar playing, most of us played like shit when we were kids, and unlike you, I bet a few of us didn’t even realize it. Lmao I used to post the most embarrassing shit when I was like 14 and 15 and acted like I was a master shredder. Unless you’re a genius, it’s perfectly normal. You start out because it’s fun and you love it, then with the years depending how serious you are about it you’ll start to get good.

You’re a kid and you’re dealing with some very complicated emotions, that even grown adults struggle to understand sometimes. That’s why you need to get help.
Especially if you’ve already tried to kill yourself before like you said in another post. That’s serious stuff.
If your parent can’t help you, then seek help at your school.

And yeah join a band, play music, even if it sucks, have fun, it makes life easier.

 

[wheresthefbomb]

my guitar and bass playing has been really shitty lately and i'm not good at anything else. i fuck everything up. everything i make looks and sounds like shit. i don't know if i should even share this but most of the time i'm either "gooning" or cutting myself. which both need to stop.

Music and art are skills that can be refined but it's also human behavior, they're things we just do and they don't have to be "good" to be valid, that's just capitalist brainwashing. It's cool to get good at things but it's also cool to just do them.

Also you're totally right, pursuing quick dopamine hits and escapism isn't helping and it's fucking up your brain's ability to get dopamine in natural and healthy ways. It's not permanent, you just need a reset. Being aware of your behavior is huge and shows you're already on the right track.

The stuff you're dealing with is difficult, as others have said it's stuff even grown adults struggle with. I'll encourage you once again to confide in your partner if you haven't already, and try to think of a trusted adult who cares about you that you can also confide in.

People are telling you that you need professional help because what you're going through is beyond our ability to help you with. We can dispense advice and anecdotes but the people I mentioned above are who can actually help you.

 

[Church2224]

I nearly broke down in traffic today...

Keep in mind, this is my life as of now in a week -

I have a full-time job, part time job, and a full-time business.
Work as manager, co-lead singer, and lead guitarist for my band
Trying to buy my house from my landlord when she sells it this summer depending on the market
Trying to get in with one of the better companies in the areas full time
Have three Dogs (They are more stress relief than anything I love them to death)

Plus, I am trying to add going to the gym, my other hobbies, taking classical guitar and piano lessons, getting into real estate, and finding a master's degree program in all this.

I have a busy life, but with everything going on, people just want to add more and more, work, friends, bandmates, family, ect. Always want my help or for me to solve their problems. All I ask is for people to give me a heads up, maybe a few days in advance, but nope people want me to drop everything to help them out.

The thing is, whenever I ask for help or even to catch up with them, I get a "Idk man I need to check" and hear nothing. It just seems I'm only around when people need something, and everyone asks me. And of course, I do it because It's who I am. I just wish people just, cared about who I was and not what I could do for them. Or if I want something "Oh you can't do that because (Insert GASLIT bullshit reason here)"

I just feel I always need to be the strong one, the rock, the responsible one, and I can't "Live." I haven't gone on vacation since before COVID hit too.

In addition, the woman who I have been with on and off for the past couple of years, I love her dearly, and she is the type of woman who I would love to end up with and have a family, but she cannot make up her mind as to what she wants, and it's been off and on again so I have tried to move on and find someone else but trying to even get a text back is like pulling teeth. Yet I see women complain about them dating idiots, where are all the good men at, ect and it makes me want to punch a wall. People tell me "Oh you are dating the wrong women" ok well show me where the right ones are at!

With all this my phone was blowing up today with people at work and my landlord wanting things from me, and after getting cut off in traffic I lost it and started yelling. I think the stress and exhaustion finally got to me...

I need a break...

 

[TedEH]

i'm fine, right?

No, not right. Someone who is fine doesn't go to a guitar forum to post:

there's just no point in living anymore.

Even if you posted that for attention seeking reasons moreso than actually threatening your existence, that's still far beyond what a friendly guitar forum is equipped for, and far beyond the level of "fine" - that's "go talk to someone equipped for this" territory.

Whatever you're experiencing isn't going to magically go away on its own. And the longer you wait to address it, the more you have to suffer through it. Listen to the people who are telling you to seek help.

 

[Ordacleaphobia]

I need a break...

I'd tell you to take a vacation but I feel like with that much stuff going on the stress and anxiety of going MIA for a week or so would probably do more harm than good

That's a hell of a grind man, serious respect. My old manager I had a couple jobs ago was like that, she was always hustling; full time job with us, helped run her parents' company since they were getting old, actively going to school for her master's, involved in three separate community action groups, while buying and renovating a house, and that's just what I knew about. Every day I'd think damn I wish I was built like that. Dunno how you guys do it.

 

[Church2224]

I'd tell you to take a vacation but I feel like with that much stuff going on the stress and anxiety of going MIA for a week or so would probably do more harm than good

That's a hell of a grind man, serious respect. My old manager I had a couple jobs ago was like that, she was always hustling; full time job with us, helped run her parents' company since they were getting old, actively going to school for her master's, involved in three separate community action groups, while buying and renovating a house, and that's just what I knew about. Every day I'd think damn I wish I was built like that. Dunno how you guys do it.

Thanks man, I appreciate it. Your old boss sounds like a Hustler, mad respect for her. Idk what keeps us going but I think God may have blessed us with a Touch of the Tism as some say lol.

Part of what motivates me is the results. I have gotten guitars, done things and accomplished so much that I never dreamed would happen. I'm about to breach 80 guitars, will be well over 100 by the end of the year, plus get my house. He'll I remember one time I went to bed with this drop dead gorgeous women I had known for years, she stood up Naked in her bed and I had to take a step back. She looked at me and asked "Everything ok?" And i said " Oh yeah its just i have been wishing this would happen for years and hear I am!" Never thought it would happen and there I was. Great night lol. I just keep seeing what's next I'll get done I always dreamed of.

I also reward myself. I collect guitars, guns, action figures, mowers ( see geezer thread lol) and have a few other hobbies. I'll have well over 100 guitars by the end of the year, plus my new house.

Another part is I spent a part of my early 20s with depression, and found the. Est way to get out of it was to work hard and keep busy. If anything, the confidence I was building from what I was doing was motivating me to be better and keep going. Plus when I was in a deep depression I always thought what would my life be like ideally? And I try to build towards that ideal, it keeps me going.

It does make it hard to relate to a lot of people. I don't watch much TV or movies except sports updates, hate going to clubs and going out in general unless it's to a concert or a good dinner. Just doesn't seem worth it much of the time and it's took expensive these days. I don't really drink as much as I use to and never did drugs...

Also dating is hard, women find me boring or I just act like too much of an old man for them. Then they date some loser and think "Where did it all go wrong g!?!?" Like....really?!?! You act like a child, date a child, I wonder what!

Christa, the girl I mentioned, she understood. She owns a consultanting and design business, does floral arrangements and design, plus has a house and a dog, she got it. She's just too busy for what I want and I get that...but it also was what made us work. Her being smart, drop dead gorgeous and an absolute sweetheart helped too.

Plus some people think I'm too serious sometimes. I have a good sense of humor, but when serious shit needs to get done I get into " Colonel Church" mode and stay focused no matter the case Until it's done. It's what's gotten me to where I am.

What I'm trying to say is it comes at a cost. It gets lonely a lot. Many people only want you when they need something or they just can't relate

 

[Church2224]

And I just asked a girl out, didn't even get a response!

This is going to be a "Church need to lie down and cry a little" thread

 

[CanserDYI]

Local 13 year old girl Keimani Latigue went missing from my neighborhood last week. Groups have been searching for days and the girl's bio father and Grandmother were acting extremely shady, example grandma had a string of texts from a "kidnapper" but if you looked at the texts they were all on the same 'side' meaning they all either came from her own phone or one that was associated with her iCloud. Dad seemed to be looking but not helpful and seemed to be really protective of this one abandoned house by me and wouldn't let people in when they tried to look.

Well they found her body today in that house. Grandmother and Father are arrested and charged with murder.

RIP Keimani.

 

[M210 Low Bo Tomy]

earlier, i got angry and posted in the "why are you mad?" thread calling the mcr community a harmful slur. i have calmed down now and have realized the harm of my actions and feel deep guilt. i promise now on, i will not say that word and other words like it. i take responsibility for my actions. i apologize profusely. however, i personally think it's not forgivable. thank you.

 

[TedEH]

^ Don't take this the wrong way, but you seem to be carrying some kind of chip on your shoulder in regards to how people are going to casually identify you based on really trivial stuff like music taste or the age of the people you socialize with, and some of your previous posts hinted pretty strongly at needing some help. I mean this in the best way possible - I think you should talk to someone.

 

[CanserDYI]

My father was rushed to the ER today after we had our Christmas party, is oxygen levels were too low for his nurses to take care of. I was just called a little bit ago to ask if he should be intubated, as he is not able to make that decision at his and I am his POA.

Merry Christmas go hug your dads.

Well he made it to March, maybe a few days into April. We are stopping his medicine and he is being put into hospice. Probably only has a couple days.

Hug your dads.

 

[High Plains Drifter]

@CanserDYI Man, I'm really sorry. Thank you for sharing with the community and I hope that you and your family will find solace throughout this.

 

[CanserDYI]

@CanserDYI Man, I'm really sorry. Thank you for sharing with the community and I hope that you and your family will find solace throughout this.

Thanks man. Lost my mom last February, just wild how quick things happen.

 

[BlackMastodon]

So sorry to hear, @CanserDYI. Hope you and your loved ones are holding up and supporting each other.