SS Love and Relationships Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SevenStringSam, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    The key is to act naturally and confidently. It's easier if you have a situation already figured out, but things rarely ever work to plan, so be flexible.

    I went through a rather long "phase" where I was super up-front, like, I'd come out of the blue with "Hey, I like you, want to go out tomorrow night?" and that never worked, because it was so unnatural. Part of it depends on her, as well. Like, sense of humour, sense of adventure, and most of all, if she's single and unaccounted. So, knowing nothing about her, your chances of hitting it off are pretty slim, honestly. Getting to know her without being creepy is also a challenge. If you approach her with a platonic interest and a halfway decent ice-breaker, then you might be able to get to know her a little better, at least.
     
  2. ftr

    ftr SS.org Regular

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    Yeah, it's also a little more difficult because it's a paint store and not like a grocery store or something where I would frequent regularly. So, going in there all the time might seem weird. The feeling I am stalking her or being creepy or something would increase pretty quick. Then again, that's probably my mind over thinking things. I was actually thinking of using a line that like to just keep things simple and if it doesn't go well then just move on. At least I will have tried.
     
  3. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    Might be time to paint your guitars a new colour. :lol:
     
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  4. ftr

    ftr SS.org Regular

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    Last edited: May 12, 2018
  5. ftr

    ftr SS.org Regular

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  6. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I haven't been in this thread in a while.... but I've found myself in a strange (for me) situation. I went on a date... and it went well. :lol: This isn't a thing that happens, so my brain is having trouble processing this. All of the mixed feelings. I got too used to being single that part of my brain panics at the idea of shaking things up too much or too quickly.
     
  7. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I dunno if anyone cares too much, but I have few outlets for my thoughts on this, sooo I'm dumping it here I guess. :lol:

    After having some time to think about the events of my previous post, and even going on another arguably good/successful date, I've sort of come to a weird conclusion that I'm very comfortable in my single-ness, and I think it would take a lot to shake me from that now. I've scared off a date or two by being a bit too up front about the idea, but I've realized that I've got very little interest in changing my lifestyle for anyone anymore. I know what I like, I know how I want my life to go, I've established certain patterns and lifestyle choices that work really well for me, and I don't want to compromise those things because I've found a pattern that leaves me relatively happy day to day. I don't want to risk that on anyone that's just an "ok" partner for me. I'd rather be happily single than in an "ok" relationship. I would have to be convinced that I've encountered someone who would bring enough to my life to beat my already-pretty-good single life. And I think that's a tough ask. A partner like that effectively becomes your best friend. If she's not someone I would enthusiastically call my best friend, then.... I'm just not interested. I've got too much life to do.

    I mean, I'm willing to take the time to get to know a person. I'm not so far up my own *ss that I expect someone to just jump into some role I've predefined for them. And I actually really enjoy just going on random dates, even the ones that don't work out at all. I've had people tell me that a failed date, or a short relationship feels like "wasted time", but I don't feel that way at all. I've met people, gone for coffee, had some decent conversation, then got ghosted afterwards, but still don't see that as a waste of time. I enjoy the company, I enjoyed the talk, I got to go out and be social on a nice day. The overall experience is a win, and I've lost nothing.

    I guess I'm not going anywhere with this. Just rambling. Couldn't think of a place to dump some thoughts, so here they are.
     
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  8. groverj3

    groverj3 Biologist/Guitarist

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    After almost a year of only a handful of weekend-long visits I just picked up my girlfriend from the airport yesterday for a ~3 week visit here. This is since she moved to Oregon last August.

    We've had our ups and downs throughout the year. We've taken a small break once, and decided to give it a try again. We've had disagreements about how often to visit is reasonable, as we're both grad students on strict budgets. However, we keep making it work.

    Hopefully this visit goes well. I kind of feel like we're at a critical point. We're both 28, and don't want to waste our time with something that doesn't have the potential to work out long-term, but also would have to do long distance for at least another 2 years until I finish my PhD here. Then I'd have to be able to move up there, which isn't a guarantee.
     
  9. naw38

    naw38 SS.org Regular

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    I have a pretty awesome girlfriend, but no actual friends that I can gush to, or share my amusing anecdotes with, so here we go guys, I’m dumping this here.

    So, I suggested that we should have carbonara for dinner, and she thinks that’s a great idea. Awesome. I’m fucking awesome at carbonara, so I know she’ll be impressed. Well, we make that decision, go to bed and have some grown up time for a bit, it’s quite lovely. Afterwards, we’re lying in bed, chatting away, naked with our friends the genitals, when I get a great idea!

    “Hey, I just had an idea; I know I said I’d make carbonara, but how about instead, we have puttanesca?!”
    “Oh shit, that sounds awesome... wait. Fuuuuuck you man!”

    Thank y’all for your time. I think I’m amusing.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2018
  10. synrgy

    synrgy Ya ya ya I am Lorde

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    Ironically, that's an extremely common foundation for many enduring relationships.
     
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  11. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I do tend to think that this sets me up to potentially be very successful in the odd case that I end up meeting someone who is similarly comfortable with themselves and we happen to hit it off. I'm not counting on it happening any time soon, per se, but if it does, then all the better.
     
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  12. lurè

    lurè Thy Art Is Mambo

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    Lots of people say so, I think it has to do to the fact that gives a sense of security for a relationship.
    Some people (I'd include myself) probably find better sense of security in a single-ness status.

    A relationship most of the time works around compromises on both sides: How much are you willing to lose and give it to your SO?

    People who are not ready or don't want to sacrifice a part of their "freedom" in the sense of doing everything that comes in their mind or simply living their everyday routine, prefer remain single or are not actively looking for a partner.
     
  13. synrgy

    synrgy Ya ya ya I am Lorde

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    I mostly meant it in-contrast to folks who are single but hoping for a relationship to come along and 'save'/'fix' them.

    Until one is happy with themselves/their-circumstances, one doesn't have much (if anything) to offer in a prospective healthy relationship.

    I wasn't meaning to speak to any implied unwillingness to compromise in a relationship; that's a whole different thing.
     
  14. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    A couple of days ago I got into a weird conversation - almost an argument - where someone I work with just couldn't wrap his head around the idea that I don't actively want to be in a relationship.
     
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  15. cwhitey2

    cwhitey2 BlackendCrust Metal™

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    I have been single for so long I don't even know how to act around a girl l like :lol:

    That being said, the last girl I was seeing loved my awkwardness, which I thought it was odd she was attacked to that lmfao
     
  16. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I suppose this is a good problem to have on some level, but I've occasionally gotten into situations where someone was attracted to me quite a bit, but I just couldn't bring myself to give up my singleness. They're cases where I could have made it work if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. I think I saw it partly as a threat to my independence as well. I've come across this sort of common joke/sentiment of men being "afraid of commitment" and there's probably something real to it. It would take an impressively good match for me to be willing to be tied down to another person at this point. And I'm willing to admit I'm a difficult person to match up with.
     
  17. xzacx

    xzacx SS.org Regular

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    This could bring up the old chicken-or-the-egg debate hahahah (just kidding with you, I don't mean that in a rude way)
     
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  18. Obsidian Soul

    Obsidian Soul SS.org Regular

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    Well, I didn't want to post this, but I wanted to stimulate the thread.

    I'm at a crossroads, or so I think so. There's this girl that works at a Walmart near me, and last week when I went in we kept meeting eyes because I felt her staring at me. So, this Wednesday, I feigned needing help, and she had this big nervous smile the whole time. Eventually, I asked if she was busy this Saturday, and she hesitated and said, "I kinda...have a boyfriend."

    I've asked other people what it means because I'm inexperienced with the entire realm of romance. One person said that she's not committed and I still had a chance to offer my number. Another person said that they think she's already seeing a guy, but they haven't made anything official yet. I thought that no matter if she really did or didn't that she was off limits.

    At the end of the day, I'm perplexed because I'm a lot like the guy in the thread that got locked down. I'm fighting a depression with no hopes of winning. Even if I sway her to leave the guy she's dating, I fear that I wouldn't be an upgrade and that I'd only pull her down rather than her pull me up,...but as someone told me,"...the heart wants."

    This is the Love & Relationships thread, so I don't want any motivational speeches. I just want to know if I should keep talking to her or leave her be, or maybe you guys have an alternate view on the matter.
     
  19. cwhitey2

    cwhitey2 BlackendCrust Metal™

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    Keep talking to her! You never know what the future holds!

    The last girl I was actually interested in dating randomly started dating a dude after we were hanging out for like 4 months solid. Was I pissed? You bet, but it also may have not been the right time for us either. I wholeheartedly believe that you may meet people/someone at the wrong time in life, but that doesn't mean it would never work...it just means 'not now'.

    I stopped talking to her for a solid 2 months because I was so pissed. I will randomly snapchat and her response is ALWAYS "i miss you" :lol: That leads to believe it was the wrong time in out lives.

    :2c:
     
  20. Rosal76

    Rosal76 SS.org Regular

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    +1.

    Some girls enjoy guys who still talk to them even though they (the girls) have boyfriends.

    I used to work with this girl who I thought was hot and she would tell me about this new guy she just started seeing. Some guys would just stop right there, stop talking and give up. Not me. LOL! I would crack jokes with her saying stuff like, "Hey Shannon, you're going on your third date with John this weekend? Would you like to borrow my Barry White love songs C.D so something magical can happen that night? LOL". She didn't know who Barry White was so she completely ruined that joke. And, "hey Shannon, you and John should watch Titanic together so he holds you closer. Oh, you saw it already. O.K. How about the Notebook with Ryan Gosling. I've got both on DVD. LOL."

    I don't know what it was but I guess she saw that I was comfortable with her seeing this new guy. A few weeks later she dropped him and started to be interested in me but unfortunately, I already liked someone else. The timing was definitely wrong in that situation but that's life.
     
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