SS Love and Relationships Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SevenStringSam, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. cwhitey2

    cwhitey2 BlackendCrust Metal™

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    Well I totally blew it...or rather I feel she did. She was like a different person and showed zero interest in me. I proceeded to get hammered cause I was like fuck it and then just got up and left...didn't say good bye or anything.
     
  2. cwhitey2

    cwhitey2 BlackendCrust Metal™

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    Update: we 'made up' and things are actually looking up for once in my love life. :lol:

    After taking a step back and looking at the situation I realized she is like a Rubiks and will be my tightest challenge ever haha
     
  3. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    Soo... is that good or bad?
     
  4. cwhitey2

    cwhitey2 BlackendCrust Metal™

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    I think it's good. Only time will tell though.
     
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  5. Obsidian Soul

    Obsidian Soul SS.org Regular

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    Am I dirty minded?
     
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  6. cwhitey2

    cwhitey2 BlackendCrust Metal™

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    Hahaha a little bit.
     
  7. Explorer

    Explorer He seldomly knows...

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    In the past couple of years, I saw some show named "Bad Tattoos" or something similar.

    Some of the stories about how the tattoos were originally chosen were centered on, "Well, this person didn't treat me nicely, so I did something to myself to get revenge on the other person!"

    Of course, this missed the point that they decided to directly punish themselves.

    One of the best revenges, if one is genuinely interested in avenging a perceived slight, is living well while excluding the other person.

    So, with that in mind... why did you decide that getting hammered was the best solution?

    I'm asking purely so you can remember the answer the next you're in a similar situation.
     
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  8. cwhitey2

    cwhitey2 BlackendCrust Metal™

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    I didn't really decide that it was the best solution, it just kind of happened.
     
  9. Vyn

    Vyn Not a Sparkly Vampire Contributor

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    Have ended up in a "friends with benefits gig." The cynic in me is wondering how long until it all falls apart xD
     
  10. groverj3

    groverj3 Biologist/Guitarist

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    It's been quite a while since I've complained about anything in this thread! What a difference 2 years makes.

    Now, instead of just pining over women who don't want me at all I am with someone wonderful but the situation is less than ideal.

    Met a great girl on OkCupid (yeah, I'll admit it) in the Fall of 2016. Into a lot of the same things I am, has a pretty similar outlook on life, and everything seemed great. She was an elementary school teacher who mostly taught ESL kids and resettled refugees, which is pretty awesome. She had been applying to a PhD program when we met, and after casually dating for a few months we made things exclusive when she thought she wasn't going to do to the program (she was also waitlisted and they only take like 6 people per year). Right before the summer she found out that she actually got in off the wait list (which is great!). After some deliberation she decided to go, thinking that if she hated it should could always go back to teaching. Besides, Arizona has the lowest teacher salary in the country and her PhD stipend would be about equal to her then-pay. However, I'm in the middle of my PhD as well and am not really sure when I'll be done.

    We agreed to keep things going and that we would visit each other (she's in Oregon now), and I would see if moving up there is a reasonable goal for me when I know more about when I'll be done. Now, after going through the Fall, I've been to visit her twice, and she has yet to come down to visit me, and I've got another flight scheduled for the end of the month. The thing is, I am super busy with my own school/work stuff and even though she paid for my flight it's hard to justify to my advisor that I should take another 4-day weekend. The reason to trade off visits isn't just about money, it's also about time.

    Recently, she's been really worked up over thinking she's not smart enough for the PhD program she's in. She thinks that the other students are doing better stuff than her, etc. Which I try to tell her is silly. Just focus on yourself. However, she's constantly upset about this. In such a way that I can't voice needing support myself at any point for fear of making her breakdowns worse. I'm 100% of the time in the comforting boyfriend role. I also have no idea when/if I can ever move up there. Even if I do graduate in a reasonable time I can't just assume I'll find a job where she is.

    Honestly, I've been kind of thinking that we're done for a few weeks now. I think it might be best to rip the bandaid off. It all sucks though, we didn't want to be in a situation like this, which is why we waited to make things serious in the first place. However, here we are anyway, and I don't want to just be another asshole guy who leaves her when she's going through a tough time (which I understand myself also being a in grad school). She's really cool and we're great when we get to visit. However, can one really say to be in a relationship when you see each other maybe 3 days every 2-3 months? Part of me thinks that maybe we both need to move on to people that can actually be around.
     
  11. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    That sounds like an incredibly one sided relationship at this point, and seems really inconvenient for you, while she seems to be uninterested in doing the same for you. It seems, solely based on what little you're giving us regarding these situations, that she might be somewhat of an emotional terrorist, and while you are focusing on her, making sure she calms down, etc. she is not there for you doing the same thing. In addition, she is taking up time from your studies, and possibly hampering your education. It's possible that this is telling your advisor, your teachers, or both that you aren't as serious about your education and future career as you should be, missing class is likely having an effect on your grade.

    "However, here we are anyway, and I don't want to just be another asshole guy who leaves her when she's going through a tough time (which I understand myself also being a in grad school)." I'm sorry, but at some point you have you be a bit selfish and think about yourself. At a certain point, you stop being a boyfriend in an equal relationship and become a doormat therapist with some who in some cases might not have the same courtesy extended to you.

    "Part of me thinks that maybe we both need to move on to people that can actually be around." That is probably best for both of you. It'll cost less -- I'm sure grad school is far from cheap -- and it'll be less of an inconvenience.
     
  12. groverj3

    groverj3 Biologist/Guitarist

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    Grad school is free for me, actually. It's not a bad deal, I get paid a stipend to live on as well, since I essentially work for the university. However, your point is certainly taken.
     
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  13. Vyn

    Vyn Not a Sparkly Vampire Contributor

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    Annnnnnd blown up spectacularly, that didn't take long (that's what she said hurr hurr). Long and the short of it is she's got some issues due to previous abusive boyfriends and thus can't process human contact well. Positives are still friends and I have more time to spend on learning batshit hard guitar parts out of the Psycroptic Scepter of the Ancients tab book :p
     
  14. ftr

    ftr SS.org Regular

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    I think I am going to try to stop being a sissy and go talk to girl I am interested in that works at a paint store tomorrow. I saw her there a month ago and have been thinking about her since. I hate the situation where the only place I know to talk to a girl I like is where she works. Every time there was a girl I liked that worked in a retail store or whatever I over thought it and never went through with it. Do any of you have any suggestions for this situation?
     
  15. ftr

    ftr SS.org Regular

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    *Ask out.
     
  16. cwhitey2

    cwhitey2 BlackendCrust Metal™

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    Just have to man up and do it.

    I totally hate aking girls out when they are at work. I have like a phobia of it :lol:


    Do you know anything about her?
     
  17. ftr

    ftr SS.org Regular

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    Yeah, I actually don't have too much anxiety about it, it's just I have no idea what I should say. I am thinking whether I should plan out what I am going to say or if I should just go off the cuff and say whatever comes to mind in the moment. Yeah, asking a girl out at work seems simple at first I guess, but when you start over thinking it, it seems so many things could go wrong like what if other people are standing around and she feels awkward and pressured. I am going to try not to over think and just do it. I was thinking like asking for help at a section far from where people could hear and create some small talk and then ask her out.

    I don't see why just because she is at work doesn't mean I can't ask her out, but it feels so weird. I mean what else am I supposed to do though.

    No, I don't know anything about her. Just her first name.
     
  18. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    Just say, "Hey, you seem pretty cool, and you're nice. I'd like to get to know you more, perhaps over dinner, if you'd be interested."

    Oh, and a tip: Don't look down at the floor, or stare off to the side of her 15" away. Actually look at her and look like you're giving her your undivided attention.
     
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  19. ftr

    ftr SS.org Regular

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    She wasn't there today. I might try again tomorrow.
     
  20. Vyn

    Vyn Not a Sparkly Vampire Contributor

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    So through complete accident (didn't plan anything and wasn't looking for a relationship) but I met this crazy girl a while ago who's just been a friend but recently we started spending a lot of time together and turns out we hit it off better than expected. We're now officially dating and I have licence to gear whore and practice as much as I like. Winning!
     

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