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Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by PunkBillCarson, May 9, 2018.
I appreciate your contribution.
Sounds like your living your perfect life to me so just carry on.
Hell is other people, you are normal in my world.
I completely understand you. Thing is though I think you go to twitch and discord and this forum to socialize. Because no matter how introverted you are people still crave to socialize. Unless you're autistic or smth and I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I also don't think you'd be asking for advice here if you were totally content with your situation.
However, if you are indeed content then as others have already said - keep at it. I don't think it would drain you all that much to hang out with your old friends (and they were friends for a reason so it can't be that bad) at least a few times to see if you really will get frustrated with them. I have a few friends that we instantly click even after years of downtime. And honestly if you don't like small talk then don't engage in it. That's what I do. If people are uncomfortable with silence then that's their problem. Just start whistling or humming a tune like you're being absent minded lol. You're not obliged to entertain small talk. If they ask you how was your day or smth just say fine and that's it. Say you're tired, you don't wanna chit chat and you just wanna play some music to unwind. Me personally I just tune out the small talk and don't engage in it so my friends just talk about the weather between themselves if they feel so inclined. Personally, I tend to shut up if I have nothing to say and I don't feel bad if that leaves me for a mute. My 2 cents.
I should say that it's not really that I don't like to socialize, I just prefer to do so with someone who I know I'm going to have something in common with right off the bat. That and being online makes it easier to keep people at arms length. Maybe socialize is the wrong word that I used.
People who like to be alone have 12 special personality traits according to this video.
I know it's a cheesy cliche but the phrase "you do you" is sound advice imho. Pretending to be something other than yourself is good for no one. People that truly care about and respect you as an individual will understand this, and no doubt expect the same level of understanding and acceptance in return.
You sound like you are in a good place to me. I hope you can continue to be true to yourself, no matter the external pressures.
Thank you very much, and thank everyone for your support and kind replies! I guess for me it basically boils down to, if I'm going to socialize, I'd rather do it online where I can keep most everyone at arms length. Being around actual people just drains the shit out of me.
Introverts of the world, unite ! But like, in groups of 2 or 3 please.
Even if I'm having the best time with the best people, comes a moment where I'm thinking "ok I need to go home and recharge now". It's normal. Just like food, it's necessary to survive, we all enjoy it to some degree, some can be sated with a salad, some need a whole a buffet, but once you're full, you get disgusted of it for a while.
I can really relate to this. I used to be very gregarious in my teens and twenties but always comfortable in my own company in fact I've lived a large percentage of my life on my own. I moved away from my home town just to get away from things. Peeps used to ask my family all the time why I wasn't on Facebook and that I should join and keep in touch but it was something I never wanted. I finally relented and opened an account a few years back but it's fkn false and soon I had several hundred 'friends'. It's easy to get sucked into that cess pit and it can become an addiction. I've a fiancée, a beautiful daughter and two adorable dogs. They are my first priority. I closed my FB account about 2 weeks ago...don't miss it one bit. Go with what you feel is right, look after your own first and don't fell pressured into sh!t you don't wanna do. Hope things work out for you.
Troglodyte...lol!! Haven't heard that term since I watched a Sinbad movie ages ago. ;-)
I get this. I love my "me time" but also feel I have to find a balance between that and being social with a small group. Since I do appreciate company of a couple of people at a time, when I'm feeling like it.
The problem? After some time of doing this you aren't really meeting new people anymore. What happens when those few people you did spend time with move on in their lives, move away, get married, have kids, and generally aren't around anymore? I have a great girlfriend who will always spend time with me when she's around, but she also lives in another state right now. Sometimes I feel like I have to force myself into social situations I don't necessarily enjoy because I may meet interesting people that can repopulate my social circle. Such is life.
I think I've taken this a step farther recently and decided that I really enjoy the single life. Not in a "I can hit on anyone I want", but more in a "if I want to shut myself in my apartment all week and not interact with the rest of the world, I can do that" kind of way. But I can also choose to go out and be social on my own terms. Something about being social with strangers is very different than spending time with friends. A lot of times I don't want to see family or friends, but I still want to be out and around people. I'm also very much a person of habit and routine, and other people.... tend to get in the way of those things.
It makes me sound like a weirdo maybe, but I've started to recognize how important it is to me to have the freedom to spend my time the way I see fit. I'm sure an argument can be made that I'm very lucky to have that freedom pretty often.
I think that people can be too tough on themselves, but any introvert worth their salt is going to first try to blame themselves for life in general changing.
There's this youthful idea of having "the gang" to hang around with when you're young, but that is guaranteed to go away. People's own lives change and will invariably have less time for their friends and it's no one's fault. If I'm gone from home half the day for work and have 3-4 hours at home before going to bed- bet your ass I'm staying put. My friends in the same situation feel the same way.
I'v found talking to my counselor about OP's type subject matter, and life / how it's going for an hour bi-monthly for at least 5 years, was a nice outlet. Then my insurance changed to no longer covering to see that particular counselor, so working on that situation...
I too have no life/ am introverted..., aside from a 50 hour + per week day job with 45 min commute time each way and the 3 hours I have before bed time during the week to make dinner, get cleaned up, watch tv with the wife and dog, maybe a little tablet time doing this.
It's hard to work on your social life amongst other things when you have a really busy schedule.
I know this was just a figure of speech, but I think it's part of the key -> being introverted, or spending a lot of time alone is not "no life". To me, that's absolutely a life, and potentially a great one.
It can get you down when all you hear is how being social is natural and healthy, and "loner" is like a gateway drug for becoming a public threat, or at least an object of ridicule.
Ya gotta remember that just like history is written by the winners, society is defined by the social. In any group of three people, two of them will get together to establish a way that the third is wrong.
One of the basic challenges of life for a thinking person is to truly believe in yourself; that's why I kinda envy idiots and sociopaths - they don't ever wonder if they're living the way they should
Yes, I was not putting OP posters down for enjoying their alone time if that is what it seemed. Just relating and sharing my story. Defo not much af a people person here, and enjoy/need my "my time " too but then there's something else, a need for more. I guess thats why I post on threads like this? Ya know?
And yeah this is not like real life socialization and does not give you real life social skills. We as humans need human interaction, right?
But do we? Or do people like to tell others what they need in the hope of confirming that what they want is some sort of universal requirement?
Personally, I think the idea that we all NEED human interaction is confirmation bias for people who are very social and, like human nature dictates, see people who don't share their desires or needs as bad, wrong and ultimately the worst thing of all, different.
I think we need as much "different" as we can get. Universal consensus equals stagnation.
Well I was talking about the need to do more "real life" socialization rather than just posting your life away on forums. There has to be someone out there, even tho it might not seem like anything your interested in or something.
^^ exactly. 9 out of 10 social people will tell you that people are social by nature and terrible things will happen when you don't get out enough. There's no real science or anything behind it, of course. It's certainly no secret that population density correlates to increased stress and health risks; that in itself suggests that there's room to question the "social = normal & healthy" hypothesis.
The most you can really say is that a generally social person might be suffering from something if they suddenly get less social. But you can't generalize, because it takes a lot more knowledge of the individual and what constitutes healthy behavior FOR THEM.
The opposite is true too - if a generally introverted person suddenly becomes social, it might indicate manic disorder or a cry for help or something - but nobody considers it anything but a positive change, because yay they're acting more acceptably healthy.